Here’s Why You Should Never Do These 8 “Polite” Things During Thanksgiving Dinner (And What to Do, Instead)

Thanksgiving is the ultimate test of culinary prowess, but the pitfalls of the holiday go far beyond the kitchen. The real minefield is at the table—and before and after the meal—where manners can make or break the day. Being a Thanksgiving guest might seem easier than preparing a feast for a crowd, but it’s a delicate balancing act. Sometimes, in trying to be polite, we end up committing faux-pas that can ruffle feathers, including our own. Here’s what you should never do, and how to make sure you’re the guest everyone wants back next year.

1. Arriving Too Early

You might think showing up early shows enthusiasm and appreciation, but to the host, it’s a logistical nightmare. They’re likely still prepping, cleaning, or having a much-needed moment of calm before the chaos begins. Instead, aim to arrive right on time or within 10 minutes of the agreed start. And if you’re tempted to arrive with hands full of last-minute side dishes, make sure they don’t require oven space—the host likely has their timing down to the minute.

2. Bringing Unrequested Dishes

You might believe that bringing a homemade dish shows generosity, but it can throw the host’s carefully curated menu into disarray. Your casserole could clash with their sides, or worse, require valuable kitchen space. If you must bring something, ask ahead and keep it simple. Better yet, stick to universally appreciated offerings like a bottle of wine or a dessert that doesn’t demand refrigeration.

3. Hovering in the Kitchen

Offering to help in the kitchen might seem considerate, but hovering over the host while they cook or plate can add stress rather than alleviate it. Instead of lingering, politely ask once if they need assistance, and then step back unless specifically called upon. Remember, sometimes the best help is staying out of the way.

4. Overeager Compliments

We all love a good compliment, but gushing over how "surprisingly good" something tastes can backfire. Describing a dish as unexpectedly delicious implies doubt in the host's skills. Keep your praise simple and genuine, focusing on specifics: “The turkey is so juicy!” or “These mashed potatoes are perfectly creamy.”

5. Starting Without a Signal

You might think taking a bite as soon as food hits your plate is efficient or polite, but starting before the host has invited everyone to dig in is a classic faux-pas. Always wait for the signal, whether it’s a toast, a prayer, or a simple, “Let’s eat!” Patience shows respect for both the host and the occasion.

6. Offering to Pack Leftovers for Yourself

Asking for leftovers before the host has offered is a major breach of etiquette, no matter how much you loved the sweet potato casserole. If the host insists you take some home, graciously accept, but don’t be the first to suggest it. Thanksgiving is about giving, not taking (home extras, at least not unsolicited).

7. Lingering Too Long After Dinner

Hanging around after dessert can feel like you’re enjoying the company, but overstaying your welcome—especially when the host looks tired or starts tidying up—can be taxing. Keep an eye on social cues. If the candles are being blown out and coffee cups have been cleared, it’s your cue to head out.

8. Skipping the Thank-You

One of the gravest mistakes is leaving without properly thanking your host. A simple “Thank you for having me” as you leave is essential, but following up the next day with a text or a handwritten note takes your gratitude to the next level. A little effort goes a long way in showing your appreciation.